Can We All Just Be A Little Honest?

It makes you feel vulnerable.  It makes you feel exposed.  It makes you open to criticism.  It can make you feel like a failure.  It goes against what much of our society tends to do.  What in the world is "it?"  What has the power to make us feel this way? Simply this: admitting that we are struggling with something.  Being completely honest and open with how we are feeling.

This topic has been on the forefront of my mind lately.  No one likes to admit that things aren't "picture perfect."  That their marriage is struggling.  That they are really tight on finances.  That their child is rebelling.  That they have a health issue.  That they have suffered a great loss.  That they are angry about something.

In our social media world, it is very easy to only post or tweet about the great stuff - the good grades the kids are getting, the fun trips taken, the success of the business/ministry.  You know, the happy stuff.  But when it comes to the hard things, we tend to bottle it up and carry our burdens alone.  But sometimes, I believe this may be the wrong choice.

I've never been a complainer.  You can ask my parents.  If I mentioned my head hurt or my back hurt, that usually meant it was pretty bad.  I didn't feel like I needed to "burden" my family and friends with my little troubles.  Part of it was the fact that I knew there were people in the world who had much worse pain and worse health issues than I did.  So who am I to complain about a silly old headache?

But I think my refusal to admit I was hurting had more to do with my pride.  I was too proud to admit that I was hurting.  Too proud to admit that I couldn't keep up or do something.  Too proud to admit that I was not really like the other kids my age.  Yes, it boiled down to pride.

Now, I may be wrong here, but I feel that the pride issue plays a big part in us today when we don't admit when we are having a hard time.  Why we answer, "Great!" or "Doing well!" when asked "How are you doing?" - even if we aren't even close to being great or well.  Okay, I do understand that not every time we are asked "How are you?"  the person is expecting us to just spill the beans and start crying and tell them all our troubles.  But shouldn't we be a bit more honest with each other?  Wouldn't it be better to answer, "I'm having rough day, to be honest."  Especially if it's the truth?

I recently decided to be more open with how I am doing - on this blog, on Facebook, and in conversations with others.  I've admitted that my family and I are currently walking through the hardest year we have ever had up to this point.  That things aren't all peachy keen and that my faith has been shaken a little.  That I have had a rough time physically.  And do you know what I have discovered because of this decision?

People care.  People understand.  That we are not alone in our struggles.

That's right.  My being honest has opened the floodgates of notes and messages of people saying things like, "I had no idea things were so rough! Now I know how to better pray for you." Or, "I didn't know you had that issue/problem.  Let me share a similar situation I went through and what I learned from it."

I have been reminded that much of what we have and are experiencing -the hurt, extended unemployment, financial difficulties, health issues, etc. - are not isolated experiences.  Though it may not be exactly the same, there are other people who have gone through similar things.  And do you know what I have found through others sharing their stories?

Encouragement.  Healing.  Faith restored that we can and will get through this.

Their stories have helped me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  That there is purpose for all of this.  That we can come out on the other end of this and say, "God loves me and God is good."

As soon as I opened up about some of the struggles we were going through, I felt as if a huge burden was lifted.  It's not that our circumstances changed.  Everything that was "wrong" was still there.  That's not why I felt the burden was lifted.  I felt lighter because I was no longer trying to carry my burden alone.  Besides it only being me crying out to God, I now had people who knew of what we were going through, and now were praying specifically for us.  They were checking in on us more often to see how we are doing.

In fact, this is a biblical concept.  When Christ left this earth, He left us the Holy Spirit.  But He also established the church.  A big part of the purpose of the church is to be there for each other until Christ returns to take us home with Him, to encourage each other to keep the commandments of the Lord, to remain steadfast through trials (James 1) and to "bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6)."

But how can we bear each other's burdens if we don't know what they are?

I believe that God is omniscient - that He knows all things.  He knows what our burdens are.  So if I were to pray, "Lord, please help so-and-so and their family and whatever they may be dealing with today," God would hear that and know exactly what they were dealing with, even if I don't.

But I also believe it helps us to better pray when we can pray a bit more specifically.  "Lord, please be with so-and-so and their appointment they have today.  Give the doctors wisdom to know what is the problem and a solid plan to deal with it.  Give so-and-so a peace and calmness to know that You are with them and that You already know the cause and You already have a plan."

Do you see the difference?  Both are prayers.  Both are heard by God.  Both will be answered by Him.  But the second prayer is so much more focused and specific. This doesn't "help" God, but it helps me to have a deeper prayer life.  And to be honest, it helps me to be more likely to remember the request more often.

Now, I do want to put a side note here that I do believe there is a fine line between being honest with our struggles and just plain complaining.  If we are being open and honest for the purpose of people feeling sorry for us, to gain attention, or to just vent our anger or frustration, then I don't think it should be done.  Those are wrong sinful reasons. But, if our intention is to ask for prayer, to seek help from fellow believers, and to get our "army" of Christian brothers and sisters behind us, then I believe the intentions are pure and we should be sharing them with each other - whether that is all of your Facebook land, or your church, or just a few trusted friends (with whomever you are comfortable).

When you do reveal your heart in this way, you might also be surprised at how sharing your story can help someone else who is currently struggling with the same thing, or walking a similar path, and has felt all alone - just like you.  Opening yourself up and becoming vulnerable may be just the encouragement they need to keep on keeping on, knowing they are not alone, that there are others who understand what they are feeling, and that they can reach out to you.  It can turn into an incredible opportunity to encourage and be a blessing to someone else.

So maybe, just maybe, if we were a little more honest with each other, we could all be walking around, feeling lighter at heart and better able to deal with our trials because we have our army of fellow believers behind us, bringing our requests to our Heavenly Father, just as Christ intended for the church.

But it all has to start - with us being honest.